Friday, April 07, 2006
5:09 AM
fer sum reason...ppl cant seem to understand to wad im feeling....im nt saying my frens..but outsyde ppl....wen it hapens to me....dey would b like--"wad the fuck..gt over it...once u knw shut ur mouth.."remeber tat....well...1 news....nw it hapen the same way to the party...so...nw gurl...hw ya feeling..ani good????im sooo much positively sure tat its nt a good feeling..am i rite???damn....nw u knw hw i feel????i hope ya do.....u miss wad u missed the most.....well...i feel tat way too...not onli me....but most of my frens....u knw bcause ov tis...we lost sumting tat meant alot to us..to dem...to me esp....
u shed ur tears..i shed my tears....u gt cut deeply..i gt cut deeply.....u miss the ol tymes..i miss the old tymes...u lost sum1...i lost sum1...u lost ur b.frend...i lost my bestfrend...
damn it...wad the hell am i typing here???!?!?!?she dusen even knw me...i mean...she knw me but nt reli2 knw me..get it???neway...she'd nt even reading tis.....but sumhw...i learnt sumting frm tis...NVR EVER JUDGE A PERSON BY ITS COVER...
"i cried out to u..no rply..".....feeling alone..is too......depressing....n i hate depress...well...hu dusen....
i need a break...a serious tyme off...im tired..ov thinking..of praying...of wishing...of hoping...n dreming...tat 1 dae tings will actuali b on my syde 1 fine dae...it will nvr....nvr come...i cant face the fact...i cant face the damn fact tat shit...he's gone...y ???i cant let it go cause i've lost my heart n my bfriend alongside it...
i wanna pack my stuff n go halfway frm where i am..i wanna go england badly...i wanna a fresh breath ov air...i jz wanna run away frm all this..
i cried out to u....but no rply..
amici amore
11:51 PM
ok...im using purplish-pink fer my font colour...y????i dunno...hahaha....tot ov changing sumting...since sumting i luv can go away..y not maybe sumting i hate can turn to sumting tat i luv..ani1 gt it???well...i dun actuali...muahaha...hu cares aniway wad im babbling....nyah nyah nyah....
seriously....i wanna go to boders...sooonnn...i hvnt fall in luv wif the rite book...i need to fall in luv wif the rite book to actuali write in it...seriously..im nt kidding....i've gotten myself a dairy..well..actuali my aunty bought it...but i dun reli write in it...cause....i dun feel like it....stupid huh.....well..hu cares....
i reli need to write the letter now iv i want it to reached to england on tyme n hopefully get a reply on tyme oso...shit rite???damn.....y must i live rite at the other end ov england.....argh!!i need to buy stamp...$1...haha...i tot veri xpensive sey....hmm...wad hapen eh todae????nuting much actuali....as usual....i woke up late.....was fasting todae...so took a shower...watched tv.....sleep...woke up..help mama cook n watched american idol...oohhya..n btw...I LUV CHRIS!!!N ELLIOT...den....wait fer tyme to eat...on the menu fer todae---GADOH-GADOH...damn full by the end ov the meal...aftr tat...on comp chat wif my england frens....watch grey antonamy[correct spelling tk??] at star world....den...watched mtv..n here iam bloging n chating wif sum1 i hate...urgh...
supposed to sleep now actuali...n wake up at 2.30am fer arsenal game...ask me again y im watching an arsenal game..the club i hate the most...no wait..i second tat statement aftr chelsea....n futher more arsenal r sooo confirmed 100% winnig this leg ov champions league......y?????????simple...cause im hoping fer a mirical to hapen n hopefully...sumhow...juventus will score atlest 3 or 4 goals to secure themself....n sumhow arsenal will stumble...n henry will get badly injured or even brek his leg!!..n their defence will reli sux..n they will exit the champions league...n they will get soo depress n they wnt be on form fer this sunday match against manu...n manu will crushed dem on tat dey....u tink tat will actuali happen todae????nah....i knw arsenal will win todae....yea!!!nurel confessed tat!!woohoo..sue me..however..i hoped manu will win tis sundae...atlest 1-0...i'll be damn happi...okok..im getting carried away rite...
fine den..will stop here....weeee~~~nites ppl...morning soon..
ta n tc
amici amore
12:15 AM
so...woke up fer subuh @ 6am...went jogging...haha..lyke real onli...walk..haha...teman my bro jogging la...den....do pull up n den sum stupid stuff...hmm...gt home..shower...n sleep like hell...sleep at 8++ until 11.30-12...msg reen den she kol me...so woke up n shower again n gt ready...was getting redi den omar kol...toked3...den he said tat he told imma tat i never invite her to sch la todae..i was veri badla...haha..made me feel guilty...
so kol her to meet me reen n omar @ 1.30...so..meet them @ bustop..kinda a little late though..finally went to sch n meet mr rahim...TANKU CHER FER THE TESTIMONIAL!!!IF I GET THE MONEY.....I TREAT U..............CANTEEN FOOD..OK?? hahah...ok wad canteen food...
so den...we decided to go n eat at chai chee...otw there i tot tat i'll eat chicken rice...budden!!!!omar treat us!!!!baby squid+chicken+char quay sotong...haha..atlast after 5 yrs ov frenship...hmmm...haha.....wen we were odering the food..baa n janah came 2 join us...yea!!!the more the merrier...hahah....
after tat wonderful meal...we head ov to century n den tm...went popular n bought the notebook..finally!!!read the bdae stuff...cool sey...
den we went to....erm..we went to take neoprint tgther...me imma reen omar baa n janah cramp into 1!!!!haha..imagine tat....haha..den!!!we met fang2 n sheralyn!!!!wooohoo..fate man...
FINALLY...i took neoprint wif fang2!!!my sayang!!!haha...
den i head home,,,tired n need to meet MP later...so took 3 home...n it rained heavily...cnt sleep in the bus cause gt migrane...onli now da ok..haha
okla..chating wif aina n my overseas frens nw...
till den..
ta ppl
amici amore
11:29 AM
other den tat...my life is cool....guess alot...n i mean ALOT of movies...stories...short skid n even interview tat i watched on tv todae r about luv and relationships....btwn frens...bestfriend infact..wow!!!tat made my dae...
i feel dumb...stupid...y ???haiz.......same old obvious reason....damn....i need my life back....well..its nt as if i dun have a life or sumting..its jz tat i njoy more last tyme..bfr the shyts tat hapen....n i miss thoes moments i had....really....i juz wanna live back another 15 or even 5 minits ov tat old tymes n cherished it ferever.....u knw wad i mean????sumtymes....i jz feel tat theres sumting i culd do...sumting i culd prevent it frm hapening...i feel as iv im part ov being blame...i feel as iv im reading a storibk and suddenly theres missing pages aftr 3/4 ov the book...n im in desprate need in finding the missing pages...
come on nurel.....u r onli 18....but hw come i feel as if im onli 18 but my heart is olredi close???haiz...
neway...ade finally has MSN!!yey!!can chat wif him...
hey there ppl....wow...its been a long2 tyme tat i've update tis ting..haha...since results....ok...here goes..
i've got posted to NYP...electronics/computer/communications engineering....but i declined the oofer n accepted TP...mechatronics...y i choose tp??hmm...a huge part ov the reason is because over at Tp...theres alot ov ppl whom i knw..unlike at NYP...i onli knw---hafiz..my cousin!!in business course sumore...sissh...anthr reason...mechatronics serve more jobs in the future...well...aniway....tats nt wad i wanted actuali...so i've planed fer the nxt 5yrs ov my life...
3yrs ov diploma in mechatronics...den 1yr ov serious werk...den 1yr diploma in LAW..under SIC...den i will take bank loan fer my bachelor studies @ university ov london...fer 3yrs..den back to singapore fer anthr 6mnths...den!!finally....can persue myself as a real lawyer....insyallah!!!!haiz....
well..neway...back to tp...all going smoothly???not exactly...1 problem...hus will be in Tp as well..n under engineering olso..guess wad course??--"electronic/computer/communications engineering"..close call...haisyo!!!!!i soo dun wan tis...i tot tat wen i start sch...he wld be history...new ppl...but den again.....argh!!!its as iv i cant run away frm him...damnit!!!
anther 3 yrs wif him..well not exactly same class..but still...same campus..same building...same canteen...same sch course...ergh!!!!!!!feel lyke strangling..........me??him???damn....well...wad i'll do is...start sch...ignore wad had hapen...start as iv his jz an ol classmate...say hi n bye...n get my 3yrs done n over wif...hw bout tat???ya tink it will werk???????haiz...
my bro will be leaving fer NS on the 3rd june...ta bro!!!!!hahah...hope ya have a blastful tyme there...n get me sum cute hunks over there???hw bout tat???hahahhaha....kidding...
oohhwell...sch starts in 2 weeks...n exactly 1mnth till my bdae...woohoo...18 soon baby!!!!!!!!hahaha
till den ppl..tc
amici amore
12:15 AM
OK...I HVNT BEEN UPDATING ALOT OV STUFF RECENTLY...HOWS LIFE???WELL...ITS BEEN CRAZI....HAIZ...FIRSTLY..MY RESULTS....WELL.....ITS NOT A TING WHICH I WOULD LIKE TO BRAG ON...SO LETS JZ SAY TAT IM LUCKY ENUF... :P
MY PARENTS ARE OFF TO ISTANBUL TMR....SO FUN RITE!!!!I WANNA GO..I MISS TAT PLACE...I WANNA GO THERE N WAVE TO TAT GUY........HAIZ...OLD DAES....SO SENDING THEM TMR......THEN GOING HOME N I RELI3 HOPE TAT I WNT HV ENUF TYME TO GO N CATCH "SWEET NOVEMBER"..MY FWENS SAY ITS A NICE MOVIE..BUT THE NET SAY IT STINKS...SO...LETS SEE TMR!!HAHA
WELL....BACK TO HUS STORY....I JZ NEED TO TYPE TIS DWN....
AFTER I LAST WROTE ABT HIM IN MY LAST ENTRY..WAD HAD HAPPENED??DID I SEND THE EMAIL???WELL..THIS IS WAD HAD HAPENED...I DIDNT SEND HIM THE EMAIL...I WAS...CONFUSED...BUT I DIDNT SEND IT...SO RESULTS...N I SEND HIM A "HOW R U HANGING ON WIF UR RESULTS" EMAIL...BUT HE TOOK A LONG2 TYME TO RPLY....WEN HE FINALLY RPLYED..I WAS LIKE...ENUF IS ENUF...GET IT??I FEEL LIKE WAD THE HELL IM DOING HERE N CARING FER HW HE'S HANGING ON N IF I HAD HURT HIM IN A CERTAIN WAY...SO FINALLY I HAD MY CHANCE TO CHAT WIF HIM @ MSN....SO I ASKED HIM.."DO U WANNA END OUR FRENSHIP?"N TIS IS WAD HE SAYS..."TIS IS ALL CHILDISH....STUPID...IF U WANNA END I'LL GO WIF THE FLOW.."SO THEN I SAY NVRMIND N FERGT ABT IT...BUT HE STILL INSISTED TAT I SEND HIM THE EMAIL..SO I TOLD HIM "FINE..I SEND SO EVERITING WILL END..ITS UR DECISION..."...N HE SAID"HAHAH...SO THIS IS A FINAL LETTER AR...STUPID..."....I WAS SOO DAMN MAD LIKE FUCK....K...FINE...I TOLD HIM I WILL SEND..JZ WAIT FER IT...
NITE TYME...NAZ KOLED...I CRIED....I TOLD HER TATS IT..ENUF IS ENUF...BUT 1 SENTENCE CHANGED MY HEART AGAIN..-"U TOOK 2 YRS TO FIND THE BESTFREN IN HIM,U SERIOUSLY WANNA END??"..TAT MADE ME SHUT MY MIND......I DUNNO WAD TO DO..IM SAD..VERI2 SAD...I DUNNO WADS BEST...SO IN THE END..I SEND HUS EMAIL...NOT TAT EMAIL...ANTHER EMAIL...
-----"TIS IS NT THE EMAIL TAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO SEND U...I CANT SEND TAT EMAIL...U WANNA KNW Y??CAUSE IT TOOK ME 2 YRS TO FIND THE BESTFREN IN U...N I CANT LET IT GO...U KNW HUS....EVERIDAE I WLD PRAY N WRITE IN MY DAIRY TAT 1 DAE MY BESTFREN WLD COME BACK...EVERIDAE..W/O FAIL...SUMTYMES IM JZ FRUSTRATED N I DUN WAN 1 DAE TINGS WILL END W/O ME KNWING TAT IT HAS ENDED..
I HVNT CHANGE...IM STILL THE NUREL TAT U SAT WIF DURING SEC 3..IM STILL THE NUREL TAT FELL DWN IN FRONT OV THE KLAS DURING SEC 5...IM STILL THE INFORMATION COUNTER OV THE PPL...N IM STILL STILL THE NUREL TAT IS TRYING TO FIND THE BEST ADVICE SINCE SEC 4..."
I MSGED HIM JZ NW ABT THE CHALET..N HE ASKED ME TIS.."SERIOUSLY DO U WANNA END TIS...N DOES THE REST WANNA END TOO??"
I TOLD HIM GO N READ HIS EMAIL N THIS HAS NUTING TO DO WIF THE REST..N HE SA OK NUREL...DURING CHALET WE SAY HI K...HAIZ....HUS HUS.....
AMICI AMORE
1:30 AM
well....ya..mayb most ov my frens cant sleep rite now..tinking abt results like iam....god!!!im suffering!!!i cant face tmr....its like doomsDay....argh!!!!!!i cant stop tinking the negative stuff...like wad am i gonna do iv i cant make it?!?!?!wad im gonna say to my parents ????wad am i gonna say to my aunty n grandma hu had paid fer my O exams?? $300++....or..wad iv i managed to go poly but enroll to a shity course cause my points are 20 n above?!?!?!?wad iv i fail my eng..or maths??or sci??or comb humans??or art??basically..all!!!!i feel as iv my heart would stop ani moment!!!seriously...i wonder weather i'll b celebrating or crying on fri nite n sat morning????haiz...........................................HELP ME PLZ!!
anthr ting is...abt hus....k...recently...no..its been a long tyme since theres ani stori abt him..y???cause.........we dun contact animore....we dun msg nor kol nor send ani emails...N..we even ignore @ msn....its been nearly a mnth tat i've chat or tok to him...so...ive made the decision to once n fer all end all tis...end our "pretend" frenship...wld u wanna cont a frenship where u dun contact nor knw nuts abt him/her....so..i wrote tis long2 email...i rewrote it over n over again...until im hapi wif it n im positively sure tat im gonna send it the next dae.....BUT GUESS WAD HAPEN!! baa then chat wif me n she told me tat hus had chated wif her early in the morning and he was truely sori fer wad had hapen..n he didnt knw how to react to c me todae...and iv i'll say hi back to him....so..wld i?????ovcourse la wld.....definately......so now im feeling guilyt abt wanting to send the email...it set me crying tinking hw bad i was to end a frenship which i....no..we had bulid up fer 2-3yrs....but i cant stand to c tat tings r going no where ov getting better n sooner or later...tings wld end w/o me even knwing tat it had ended....so ya...i end up not sending the email..........
i knw....im not tat strong...my heart change fast....haiz....y???wld i be doing the rite ting by nt sending the email cause i knw tings r hardly to get better.....but then again....wld i be doing the rite ting to end a frenship................i hv no idea on which 1 is correct....shit!!!
i jz hope...i reli2 hope........tt i'll do fine in Olvl results tmr..i reli do......even though i hv bad feeling...seriously...
oohwell....till then..
amici amore
9:07 AM
been buzi wif me going back jb and visiting my grandma n grandpa...k...i dun kol him grandpa..n it sounds funni..haha....mis my grandma sooo much...hapi to see her....
erm......now..im addicted to korean movies.....haha...since i watched "winter sonata"..then i dunno la....kept watching..then recently i watched "my little bride"..hehe..cute movie...n oso watched "1st love of a royal prince"...18 cds in 2 daes....imagine tat!!!haiyo....haha...but it was worth while though...
ok...guess wad??????results r comming out soon...n wen i mean soon....i mean reli2 soon...like 3 more daes....this fri!!!!!n im soo nervous and scared...and nervous n scared..haha...ya..like baa say.....mixed emotions but non ov it is a hapi feeling....haha..oohwell...its 1.17am now...gonna sleep....nuting much to write...update it soon..
till then...tc n bye ol
amici amore
the wonderful pics!
the text!
blogskins!
att!
kryah!
abg!
tan yilong!
blue touches!
friendster!
[ [ if only you knew ] ]
how much i love you.
you mean everything to me.
i wished i meant everything to u too.
but u dun.
i dun dare to tell u my love for u.
but i noe i love you alot.
i love ur smile, ur everything.
=)
l>